[News] Servoy beats up playground bullies

In an exclusive scoop, Servoy Magazine learned today that Servoy has put the "smack" into "smack down" by taking on the heavy weights of the Professional Wrestling world and thoroughly breaking their little pinky toes. Which apparently hurts very much.

The competition rules for the event were said to be quite challenging and restrictive—no hair pulling, groin knockers, or metal folding chairs to the head were allowed.

First up was the slightly under-muscled Sonny "Eclipse" Moon. Eclipse draws its popularity from people who are either Marxists, have problems with authority, suffer from rare forms of ADD, never shower and therefore can't get regular jobs, or grow weed in their parent's basements. Or all of the above. The one commonality that they all share is way too much time on their hands.

This match not surprisingly ended very quickly. As soon as Eclipse hit the first business challenge it got side-tracked and determined that a new abstract module needed to be created to deal with all future instances of the same challenge. Meanwhile, this gave Servoy plenty of time to repeatedly hit Eclipse over the head with a metal folding chair. Judges had no choice but to declare Servoy the winner as the audience was highly entertained by this turn of events.

For the next event, Servoy had to face none other than the evil empire itself in the form of the cybernetic construct "dotNet." Just how mythical is dotNet? Well, it is rumored that the real reason for the survival of earth and humanity as we know it today is because "Unimatrix One" of the Borg found the ego of dotNet just too big to assimilate into the Collective when passing through our galaxy recently. This event (chronicled in Start Trek: The Next Generation—episodes #326 and #401) finally ended the Borg winning streak of assimilating alien intelligences at the number representing infinite improbability or the highest prime number—or whichever one is the largest, the Borg seem to have lost count.

In spite of these credentials, Servoy can apparently do one thing a lot better than dotNet—swing a metal folding chair across an opponent's head.

For the ultimate showdown, Servoy was faced with its first ever doubles match with the Oracle's: Forms and JDeveloper as the competitors. Forms and JDeveloper are well known for their exceedingly high degree of cockiness, disdainful views of 3rd world countries and brutal but devious tactics against opponents. It is believed that they have only lost once in their entire careers but no one is quite sure because the alleged winners were sent to space as a "reward."

In the face of this daunting challenge, Servoy showed its true commitment to its own version of rotten and despicable tactics by recruiting Sally "i'lldoitAnywhere" Baby for it's partner. This decision ended the match almost before it began as Forms and JDeveloper proved quite susceptible to the sweet charms of i'lldoitAnywhere. (Forms was quoted later as saying in admiration: "She has the best looking transactions I have ever seen." JDeveloper was more cerebral in his praise: "Her database is so intoxicating.") Which once again gave Servoy the unimpeded opportunity to demonstrate just how effective it could swing a metal folding chair to achieve swift results. With the win, a roar of approval from India could be heard around the world as they look forward to more creative work, the demise of the 11pm to 7am shift, and sexier coding tools.

The above is directly from the official site for RADRACE 2006. Since my Dutch is highly suspect, I may have taken some liberties with the translation. I do know that later today you will be seeing the following headline:

Servoy and iAnywhere beat Oracle Forms, Oracle JDeveloper, Eclipse, .Net and Magic in Development Tools 2006 Race

"Today Array Publications, producers of 12 magazines for the software market, announced the winners of the RADRACE 2006. Servoy, B.V., a Rapid Application Development (RAD) software took one of the top winning positions in the race. All of the entrants had to build a business solution within 48 hours, with many complex business rules and logic. This was Servoy's first attempt at the RAD race and the 2 man team was very pleased."

A huge congratulations out to Servoy!